I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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