why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
