My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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