ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
