i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
