But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
