yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
