well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
