Kiss
Puke
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
