dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
