Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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