Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
