My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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