thus making me awesome and them whores
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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