just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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