You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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