Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
