OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
