you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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