where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
