I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
