I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
