Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
