Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
