Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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