Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is classic penis vs brain.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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