She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
