Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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