why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
