i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
