meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
