The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do vagina's smell?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
