I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
