I just saw a hot homeless man
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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