What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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