Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
