I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
