if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
