Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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