i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
