I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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