I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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