i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
