I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
