so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
