Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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