Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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