Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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