I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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