I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
