His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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