I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
